when Irish eyes are smiling

In less than a mere 48 hours, I will be rotating from Calhoun to Chippewa and all over downtown on my favorite day of the year. Good News: though I do not know many current cadets, I have remembered that I still get to wear lipstick for a select few and a whole slew of others scattered throughout the clans and societies. Bad News: the weather has gone from 60 and raining to 67 and sunny back to 60 and raining but I have a new philosophy thanks to someone from suburban Missouri and TFLN :

"(314): Whatever is fine with me, as long as I'm wearing green and end up shitfaced."

I'm hoping I wont be coherent enough to blog on wednesday so Happy St. Pattrick's Day to all!

And here's to hoping Irish Blessings will keep us out of trouble...

"May your blessings outnumber

the shamrocks that grow

and may trouble avoid you

wherever you go"

spring fever

I don't know if anyone else noticed, but today was absolutely perfect.

Well, minus the test I had to take and the fact that I skipped yet another class, today was the best day I've had in a long time. It has recently been brought to my attention, almost everyone has been having just an all-around rough time...be it because of Robbie, the stress of school, the unrelenting cold or whatever else people are dealing with. I just hope that today was as therapeutic for everyone else as it was for me.

I began my day by sleeping in....f-ing finally. I haven't had the capactiy to sleep past 10am for the past couple of months but not today; today, I slept till 11:30. Though really all that means is that I went to bed too late, I'm sick and funerals are exhausting, there is still something refreshing about sleeping in, am I right? But here comes the fun part...I woke up in the nick of time (i googled it, that's the proper spelling of the saying) to make it to class but failed to remember that I had a test today. No worries though, the guy who sits next to me made a 96 on the last one.....after taking the test and realizing I had an hour to blow before my next class, I made the horrible decision to cal Sarah.

For those of you that haven't figured it out yet, Sarah is a horrible influence and often talks me into doing things against my will. Today, she just so happened to convince me to skip a class, that I'm already close to being dropped from, to go layout with her in her driveway. Well, I spent all of yesterday crying and sleeping so I decided that we both deserved some sun so I skipped class. Hah...like I even gave it a second thought. Soon after I got to her house, and had to squeeze myself into one of her bathingsuits, Izzo called...haha what an entertaining kid. After laying in the driveway (and getting a very faint tan-line) Mallory called to say that we were finally getting a boat day.

It's official, today was my first boat day since August. It was a little cold, and by cold I mean numbingly freezing, but it was beautiful and I got to be on a boat so that's all that matters and I have nothing to complain about. Well, actually, I've lost my sea legs and hope to find those again soon because losing my balance every 10 seconds is no fun. Oh, and of course we were on Williamson for no more than 10 minutes when I decided to make spring/summer official by slicing my toe open on an oyster shell. Only me.

Today was perfect and much needed; only two days till I'm on spring break; one and a half days till butt naked trivia at Island Daiquiri; 6 days, 23 hours and 22 minutes until St. Patrick's day....now if only the rain will hold off

you find out who your friends are

WARNING: If you are looking to read a happy-go-lucky, entertaining or light-hearted post, this isn't it. If you're looking for something that flows well and makes sense, this isn't it either. I'm not saying it's going to be depressing (because at this point I don't even know all I'm going to say) but rather a place to put all the random and scattered feelings and thoughts that have been reeling through my head these past couple of days....here goes

At 1pm today, we all gathered at St. James to say goodbye to Robbie...it was a hell of a lot tougher than I was expecting it to be. Not only because he was only 21 and just an all-around great guy, but because of the things that were said and the emotional outbursts that I saw. Of course, funerals are places where emotional episodes are more than expected and not judged but it wasn't the emotion, it was who it was coming from. Before I even say this, I know it's a prehistoric way of thinking, but it's what I've known until these last few years: it KILLS me when males cry...kills me, I tell you. It's partially because I have the "damsel in distress" mentality that most females experience when something has gone wrong and also because I'm a protector and I feel as if guys are so much harder to protect; especially if they've already been pushed to that emotional breaking point (because we all know guys have this deranged ideal that crying isn't ok). My personal experience is that guys get angry and scream and break things and cuss and drink until it all becomes too much and all they can do is sleep...it's how they get through it and I completely understand but that behavior hurts me more than anything else because I can't do anything to make them feel better...theyre hard headed. Gah I just want to give them all hugs and just hold them till it all goes away...going to get emotional again just thinking about it...change of topic.

Well, not really. Today was my first funeral experience in which people actually spoke about the deceased...and good god I lost it. Robbie's teachers had some absolutely fantastic things to say about him which made me smile but they also impacted me more than the typical funeral speech given by the priest. They told stories about him and his half smile, his courage, protective nature, friendly capacity and being faster than he looks...hahaha...but Ms. Burke was the deal breaker. First, she addressed the Ryans; she talked about how hard it is to bury a child (especially two days after a mother/grandmother) and how short Robbie's life was but told us not to be upset because at least he was here. She (or maybe the Priest, to be quite honest I couldn't even see straight so thinking straight wasn't possible) recited a poem about losing children that will now forever make me sob (i'll post it at the end of this) but her speech aimed at fellow Cadets, and friends in general, was what got me thinking. She said something along the lines of: "on your ring day, I told you to look around; the friends standing around would be the ones that will walk down the aisle with you, the ones that will be your children's Godparents and the ones that will be there when it was time to bury a parent. But I left something out. I didn't leave it out to be deceiving but simply because the thought was too horific to put into words: those people will be the ones that will be there when it comes time to bury one of your own." It was a harsh reminder that Robbie was too young and that death comes at every age. It was a reminder that we need to take a look around more often and really focus on friends.

If you've read this blog before, you know that I feel as if I've lost touch with many people that were far too important to lose touch with. I have vowed to change that and thank you, Robbie, for reminding me to actually do so. Back in highschool, before I even had the pleasure of meeting about 90% of the people I currently associate with, I had one of the greatest groups of friends anyone could ask for. I know, you think your friends are great and fun but you have no idea what a friend is until you face the tragedy we did. Don't get me wrong, we all have reasons for having the friends we do but a lot can be said for the kids that will stick around through the tough stuff. And by tough stuff, I don't mean petty fights, I mean the deaths of loved ones. Sure, everyone will feel sorry for you and maybe feel close enough to call or send a "sorry" text; but I want you to look around and ask yourself how many of those people will just sit with you? How many of your friends will come and cry, scream, console and remember with you? How many of those kids do you share a close enough bond with to even want to talk about things such as death and depression? When you narrow it down, take the group that will, call them and tell them you love them.

As I've said, I've regrettably lost touch with many of my friends in that specific grouping but I am relieved for two reasons: 1) With the death of Robbie, I re-realized that those friends are still the ones that call and make sure I'm ok and vice-versa. And though we don't get to see each other enough, we share a bond and a mentality that will last forever. We will always pick up the phone or go console when we need to. We don't need to ask, we know when we're needed. 2) I have recently, again, picked an exquisite group of friends. Some, I have known for years. Some were known, lost and recently rediscovered while others are completely new experiences. Either way, we now share that same bond. The bond in which we all understand each others pain, need for silence, need for laughter and need for that one simple gesture to show that we care. We are comfortable enough to cry and delve deep into our regrets from the past (there are specific instances for all the examples but I've decided to leave people and the emotional turmoil out of this). I'm automatically at ease with them. I know we can talk about whatever, whenever and we're all on the same page. I've literally been hanging out with some of these kids for no more than a few months and every single one accompanied our goodbye hug with an "I love you." I'm so blessed and it's times like these that remind me.

Ugh, alright, enough. It's way past my bedtime and today was far too exhausting to even describe but I'm going to leave you with this sappy comment and poem: please please please stop and just take a moment to tell your friends and family you love them. I know people say that all the time but not everyone gets constant reminders like this. I'm going to go to school tomorrow and pass the spot in which I talked to Robbie everyday just wishing I could press rewind, stop him one day just to say I love you instead of the usual "lets catch up sometime." So, please, don't wait. Life doesn't come with a rewind button.

The Poem:

"I'll lend you for a little time a child of mine," He said.

For you to love while he lives

And mourn for when he's dead.

It may be six or seven years

Or twenty-two or three,

But will you, till I call him back,

Take care or him for Me?

He'll bring his smiles to gladden you,

And should this stay be brief

You'll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay,

Since all from earth return,

But there are lessons taught down there

I want this child to learn.

I've looked this world over

In search for teachers true,

And from the throngs that crowd Life's lanes,

I have selected you.

Now will you give him all your love,

Nor count the labor vain,

Nor hate Me when I come to call to

Take him back again?"

I fancied that I heard then say,

"Dear Lord, Thy will be done,

For all the joy Thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.

We'll shelter him with tenderness,

We'll love him while we may,

And for the happiness we've known,

Forever grateful stay.

But should the angels call for him

Much sooner than we've planned,

We'll brave the bitter grief that comes

And try to understand."

you've lost your muchness

I finally got to see Tim Burton's adaptation of Alice in Wonderland last night so I have decided to write a review that will hopefully save the brain cells of many.

As a child, my walls were covered with weird stuffed wall-decorations of the Cheshire cat, mad hater, march hare and Alice in her pretty blue dress (don't judge me, I was an infant, my mom was the decorator) but thank god they didn't resemble the characters in the movie I saw last night. Please, do not get me wrong, I absolutely loved the movie but it was not one for the kids, which was somewhat disappointing. Disney's Alice in Wonderland has always been a much-admired movie by all children with imagination despite the twisted intent of author, Lewis Carroll. We grew up thinking that Wonderland as a beautiful place with sinister yet bubbly characters(and Absalom, a hooka-smoking caterpillar) but Tim Burton, almost rightfully, turned it into a place where decapitated heads float in the moat surrounding the Red Queen's (Helena Bonham Carter, aka Burton's wife) castle. Something must be understood though, Burton's adaptation was based more so on Through the Looking Glass, where Alice re-visits Wonderland to become the champion against the Jabberwocky.

Alright, I'll refrain from giving any more detail and head on to the review: I loved it. But as I said, not a movie for kids seeing as multiple characters get their eyes gouged by a needle-slinging mouse. Alice was played by a no-name actress who said not much more than "but I am Alice." Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter were absolutely amazing, as usual, while Anne Hathaway starred in her smallest role to-date. I wasn't pleased to hear Alan Rickman's (Professor Snape) voice come out of the caterpillar but I'll get over it. The graphics were perfect and the Cheshire Cat was reason enough to go see the movie, in my opinion, but for you people planning on taking psychadellic drugs to go watch a "trippy Alice in Wonderland," don't. It's simply not that kind of film. Besides the fact that it is in 3D (new 3D movies don't really throw things at the audience, but rather give the viewer a foreground, middleground and background), there really was nothing "trippy" about it (hint: absalom really only has two disappointingly short scenes). Sorry to ruin your fun.

On to something more important: The weather trend for the next few weeks seems to be following a mid-60's and sunny pattern which makes me even more excited for St. Patty's Day (if that's even possible)...and I finally found something to wear. I know, none of y'all care but it's a huge load off my shoulders. 10 more days!!

only the good die young

I miss the days when we were untouchable to death...back when we were children and the only losses we had to deal with were pets and distant relatives...people that weren't so close to us. But since my junior year in high school, it has seemed as if people in my general age range have been plagued by it...death is heartbreaking, breathtaking, terrifying and makes me a speechless, emotional wreck everytime my phone rings.
The only thing that gets me through these situations is something my dad once told me: look at the world as a garden and each living creature is a flower...when you go to the garden to pick flowers to take inside your house, admire and love, do you pick the old rotten ones? No. You pick the brightest, purest, most perfect and beautiful flowers you can find. Well, thats what God has done. It was time for him to pick another perfect flower from the garden; and today, that was Robbie.
Robbie was not a life-long friend of mine, unfortunately, but judging by the short couple of years I've known him, I know why he had so many. He was always so genuine and kind; so sweet and caring. He was literally the gentle giant...so protective and helpful. I could go on and on about all the things he's done for me and what a great guy he was but I'll spare the details and super depressing blog post. Thanks Robbie, for everything you did for me; for being so kind, so protective and most importantly, giving me the chance to know you...I'm going to miss talking to you on campus everyday. Even when I didn't get to talk to you, I saw your truck parked almost always in a faculty spot hahaha give Jennifer, Billy, Mrs. Moore, Mrs. Coe and the Shivers a hug for me...you will be missed<3

two weeks

I have a few thoughts for today's post...

1) First and MOST important: exactly two weeks until I get to go gallivanting around downtown Savannah, day-drunk while wearing beads. And come on, you know day-drunk is 93649 times better when beads are involved.

2) I'm writing this at work...a-woo-woo (say that like you did when you were 6...it's fun)

3) I am FINALLY free...from school work, that is. I have been so incredibly stressed about the two papers I've had due but both of them are turned in...probably a little disappointing...but out of my life regardless. Thank God.

4) 94 days till I'm 21! bahaaaa hello, double digit countdown. What the hell took you so long?

5) 1 and a half days until I get to make the beautiful drive to Charleston, South Carolina...I just wish that I wasnt going the weekend Athens comes home for spring break though.

6) Only 56 more days until Julia Goolia comes home from Italia!!!!!!! p.s. skype is probably the best invention ever.

7) I have the worst sore throat known to mankind...just in time for the greatest day of the year, of course.

8) I am SO F-ING SICK of the cold. Really, it's March in Savannah...where's the beach weather?

9) Never thought this would come out of my mouth but thanks, Obama. Thank you for getting my classes cancelled...'preciate it.

10) Last but certainly not least: I may make fun of some of my friends for being so obsesssed with their Alma Mater but the truth is that I, too, hold a place in my heart for BC. I wish the boys would've had the chance to come home with a championship trophy but there is no ignoring their great season. Yall made us proud, Cadets.

p.s. I am thoroughly depressed that the amount of current BC students in which is know has diminished down to 3 :( what is st. patrick's day without red lipstick and cadets? I feel a mid-life crisis coming on...

Happy Birthday

This picture was taken on the night in which I met Kaitlyn Hannay...a University of Georgia ZTA from Valdosta who frequently takes one for the team. This one's for you, Hannay.

I would like to take a moment to acknowledge the importance of today (well, technically yesterday since it's after midnight) but first, a preface: More than 2 years ago, my dear friend (and other half) Helen Lales reluctantly decided to embark on a 5 hour journey from Athens to spend a weekend with me in Charleston. I was originally planning on Jonathan and Helen being the two to invade my tiny downtown apartment but they soon informed me that a girl, whom I'd never met but for a brief drunken moment on St. Patty's Day, was going to be tagging along. Naturally, the news didn't phase me because I was just too excited to see Helen to even care. Little did I know the experience I was in for: a best friend. As sappy as that sounds, I am not exaggerrating when I say that Kaitlyn, Sarah and Julia make up 3/4ths of me. As I'm about to explain, Kaitlyn's fourth is just a drunken one...Hannay and Helen arrived in Charleston on a friday afternoon sometime late in our second semester of freshman year (judging by the slight tan and strapless dresses) and all I can say is that Hannay put the drunken UGA freshman to shame with her performance. I think it's safe to state a warning that you probably wont think this is as funny as we do because you werent there...but it's also safe to say that this is the story I will be telling at Kaitlyn's wedding so get used to it.
We began the night at a delicious restaurant (which are so frequent in Charleston) and then moved out to North Charleston to pregame at Robin's house (Robin can be seen flicking someone off, most likely jonathan, in the background of the picture above). After pregaming a little too hard at Robin's (freshmen, remember?), we decided it was a wise decision to take the pregame to a party somewhere else in north charleston...about 5 minutes after arriving at said party, Helen and I saw Kaitlyn attempt to wander down the stairs...hahahahaha and by attempt to wander, I mean not-so-gracefully bust ass. She mingled, drank and fell down the steps for a little while longer until she decided to pass out on the couch. We babysat her for about 30 minutes before I decided that I didn't know her well enough to sacrifice my own fun and Helen decided the house was safe enough to leave her asleep on the couch. Bad Decision. No, not bad decision because something happened to her, a bad decision because she found us and yelled about the possibilities of being raped or whatnot...during her rant, I somehow snuck away when she screamed "Helen, take me home!" Since Helen wasnt ready to leave, and decided to be evil, she told Hannay to go find me; I, being sneaky, sent her back to Helen. We literally sent the poor girl back and forth for an hour just to avoid leaving the party early...at one point, I had to drop my drink and take off running around the side of the house just to dodge the possibility of her catching Helen and I together (why she decided to remain friends with us, I'll never know). After an additional hour of torture, and an hour of tears, we decided to take one for the team and go home. We woke up the next morning with a brilliant story and the headaches to show for it but it was probably the best first impression I've ever shared with someone. Kaitlyn, here's to over two years (and hopefully many more) of a complicated relationship and the fact that you'll never have to wear an orange jumpsuit against your will (due to alcohol, anyway) haha...Happy 21st Birthday!!!!!

p.s. to all the other (like, 4) readers, I'm finally in the double digits...97 days till my 21st!! and of course, it's officially march so 16 days til St. Patty's Dayyyyy!! Now off to bed, work, school, carpool and then a sleepless night of paper writing before my much overdue mini-vacation to Charleston, Spring Break and St. Patty's Day. F-ing finally.